If there is one thing I have always wished I could work on internally, it’s my confidence. For as long as long as I can remember, I’ve had a problem with it. I used to tell myself I would have more confidence when I was lost weight; when I lost the weight I still didn’t feel confident. That’s when I realised confidence comes from within. It’s not about your physical appearance or material worth, it’s not about perfection or only looking at your good traits. Confidence is about embracing yourself good side and bad and still loving yourself; it’s about valuing yourself. The Confidence Coach by empowerment expert Lisa Phillips teaches you how to value and embrace yourself in an interesting and easy to understand way.
Phillips looks at confidence as a muscle inside our minds that needs to be built up in order to achieve maximum efficiency. She reminds us that confidence is internal and from the value we give ourselves rather than coming from other people. Using examples of real clients, Philips breaks down where negative self belief comes from via negative programming. This is in the first section of the book that looks at building up key foundations for long – term confidence. It covers negativity and learning how to value yourself, counteracting the excuses we make for ourselves and my personal favourite: taking back power.
When we allow others to hurt us, it’s because we have given them the power to. We have given them our power. We choose to accept poor behaviour, we aren’t helpless. It’s a bit of a tricky concept to get your head around, but basically no matter what the situation is, we can always hold on to our power. If the kids start fighting and I get mad and yell at them, I have allowed them to take my power away from me. Choosing to yell or even get angry is a choice. The decision to eat take out when I feel depressed rather than cook healthy, was my decision to. I chose my mental health in that moment. It’s a choice I stand by and because I recognise I hold the power and not my negative thoughts, that decision enables me to feel empowered even in an undesirable situation.
The second section of The Confidence Coach looks at the future: setting goals, learning to be assertive and discovering what you like about yourself. I like how Philips promotes self love, by getting the reader to think of how they talk to themselves in a much more unkind way than we talk to others and why this is. Why don’t we give ourselves the same respect we give others? It’s because on some unconscious level we don’t believe we are deserving. The book challenges this notion and offers practical suggestions such as positive affirmations, praise and doing kind things for yourself. It may sound simple but it’s amazing how effective it is!
The third and last section of the book looks at confidence within specific situations. Since having my two youngest I have lacked confidence in my body image so I was very interested in what Philips had to say about this. She first identifies how you can tell if you have a positive body image or negative by the type of inner thoughts and attitude you have towards your body. One sentence that really resonated with me was the following:
“Okay, you may not be a supermodel or male pin-up material but that doesn’t mean that your body shape is wrong in any way or that you are flawed or less worthy of acceptance than other people.”
I love this! It doesn’t brush off the fact that there are parts of my body that I dislike and therefore validates me. Yet despite that it empowers me by saying I am still worthy of acceptance, because (say it with me now) self worth is not determined by your physical self or materialistic gain. You are worthy because you are alive! That’s quite profound! Our bodies do so much for us on a daily basis, and truthfully, we aren’t nearly as grateful as we should be for that!
Throughout reading The Confidence Coach I have felt like Lisa Phillips has been speaking to me personally – like I have my very own coach in front of me. This book has helped me to feel more confident about myself and my future at a time when I really needed to hear some kind words. It’s an amazing book and an investment in yourself. It’s the first step towards loving yourself by helping yourself to heal and be kinder to your soul. I promise you, you won’t regret buying it!