I need to transform my physical self in to a healthier me; there are no two ways about it. Over the years like so many other mothers I have let myself go; concerning myself more with the needs of my children rather than with the needs of us both. The result is a 36 year old frump; complete with unkempt hair. I have lost me – watched myself vanish in to a sea of oversized jumpers and leggings that have been recycled repeatedly until the frayed black fabric fades to a dull charcoal. I have lost my identity; standing idle whilst it becomes intertwined with my pyjamas. I watched the woman I know fade away. But now I need to find her, I need to reclaim her and become a healthier me!
To care about your appearance is to be vain; that’s what I used to tell myself as I chomped on yet another Wispa bar. But that’s far from the truth; to care about your appearance is to value and respect yourself. It means you are your own friend, your own well wisher. We nurture our minds and our souls so why not our bodies too? Granted, mine may always be flabbier than I would like, but I could be a healthier me, I admit grudgingly.
I don’t recognise myself anymore, I don’t know who I am. I have lost my identity. Many mothers go through this but it happened so gradually that I didn’t realise until it was too late. I used to be so much more than just a nurturer; a money lender; a referee and a milking cow – I used to be me!
My physical self is an important part of me: the way I look affects the way I feel and of course my health. The way I dress reflects my personality. I always wore the most colourful clothes; fluorescent orange even! So when did I decide being a mother meant hanging up my identity with my winter coat behind the door? But it’s not too late, after all doesn’t life begin at 40? What a perfect opportunity to find myself once and for all, in time for my 40th in a few years time!
And so begins my journey, my transformation in to a new me: a thinner me; a happier me; a healthier me. I hope to document my progress and setbacks in a series of posts designed to encourage others to achieve their goals too. It’s important not to lose sight of one’s self among all the madness in the world.
So often are we striving for success, that we forget to live in the present. Tomorrow is uncertain, all we really have is today.